


Sex E'rywhere Because Why Not

by Thorki_ed



Series: Tumblr Requests/Norsekink Prompts [25]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Crack, Exhibitionism, M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-20
Updated: 2012-07-20
Packaged: 2017-11-10 08:07:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thorki_ed/pseuds/Thorki_ed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five Times the Avengers caught our dear gods in action, and one time they didn't. Sorry for the terrible crack.</p><p>For you, akaiageha</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex E'rywhere Because Why Not

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NabiHime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NabiHime/gifts).



**1\. Bruce**

Everyone knows how much Tony loves Bruce because he actually _understands_ things. He follows everything (or most of it and pretends the rest of time) Tony says and Tony freakin' loves it. When he says "find x", Bruce actually does the math instead of pointing at the literal letter in the equation like a smartass or simply putting a bullet through the paper or some such. Everyone also knows how much Bruce loves Tony because Tony makes fun of the Other Guy instead of being afraid to bring it up, and together they work really well.

So it comes as no surprise when Tony and Bruce disappear into Tony's lab for hours at a time to work on something. It also comes as no surprise that Tony Stark is never found anywhere when he needs to be found, so Bruce is always the one to look in the lab.

What _is_ a surprise is the squeaking noise that Bruce can hear from the steps as they make their way down. It sounds the noise you make when you're unpacking a tightly wrapped package with lots and lots of Styrofoam and bubble wrap. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he can hear the panting of "oh, oh yes, yes, oh" and his eyes practically fall out of his head. Actually, that probably might've been better for him. Who knew that a god's bare backside against steel and fibre glass could make such a sound?

Everyone knows how much Tony loves his Porches because it's beautiful, one-of-a-kind and totally pristine.

Well, _was_ pristine.

Bruce certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell him otherwise. 

**2\. Clint/Natasha**

"How is he _that_ flexible?" Clint mutters. He cocks his head to left at the same time Natasha does as they study the scene. The gym is full of equipment for the Avengers to train in, but they were certain that this wasn't what Fury had in mind when he had the monkey bars built in.

"Doesn't that _hurt_?" Natasha asks in return.

Loki was obscenely wrapped around the poles, back arched in the air, feet and arms all weaving in and out of the bars as Thor sat on top of them, legs spread for Loki's mouth. Loki's chin pointed upward to Thor as he was bent over backwards to bring his hips close enough to Thor for the elder to stroke, and lick him, his hands running over all the muscles and sharp angles of his hips.

Graceful as an acrobat, Loki lightly kicked off the bars when Thor had enveloped his member with swollen lips, and locked his ankles behind Thor's neck while still giving Thor an incredible blowjob. 

"You were an acrobat once, weren't you...?"

"No way, Natasha. Nuh-uh. Not happening."

They postponed their training for the day.

**3\. Steve**

_5AM, just goin' for my jog, my lovely lovely jog. E'ry morning, just goin' for a jog, I really love my jogs, My joggy joggy jogs. 5AM just -_

"JESUS!" he screamed at the two half-naked gods, cluthing his heart with eyes wide open as he stumbles backwards a few steps.

"Are you going into cardiac arrest?" Loki asks with concern, even as he's straddling Thor while perched on thick branch not too high from the ground.

"THIS IS A PUBLIC PARK!"

"Indeed," Loki says nonchalantly, as if his brother wasn't balls deep inside him. _In a tree._

Steve has to look away, so he stares at the ground while talking to a too-calm Loki. "Guys, you can't just do _that_ in a public place! What if someone catches you!?"

"You do raise a good point, Captain. You have postponed our pleasure long enough, next time we shall find a higher branch."

He turns back to look at Thor before rising on his knees to fall back down on Thor's still-hard cock and panting obscene things in the thunderer's ears.

Steve opts to _run_ back to the Tower as fast as possible and try to forget that he _ever_ encountered that and decides that maybe he'll just use the treadmill in the gym instead of his usual route in the park.

When he talks to Clint and Natasha later, he decides that no citizen is safe from the alien god sex and silently mourns the loss of his innocence. 

**4\. Phil Coulson**

As one of SHIELD's top agents, he takes his job very seriously. He goes that extra mile to make sure everything is running smoothly and stops at nothing to find out everything he can and needs to know. Which is why it was unusual for him _not_ to know what the latest project did. It was a large tube in the middle of the room, much like the cell they had built for Bruce on the helicarrier. But, there was nothing familiar about it - the control panel was near the door and none of the buttons were the same. It was empty every time Phil visited, and when he tried the buttons (against Fury's orders) nothing had happened. He shrugged it off, but after finding no files on the project, he took matters in his own hands.

Day after day he would find a way to sneak in and try all the buttons and levers again.

One very (un)fortunate day, Phil took his little usual detour to the room, only this time the tube wasn't empty.

Oh no, the tube was _very_ full ~~much like Loki's ass.~~

As one of SHIELD's top agents, he was trained to be very calm in every situation. Which is obviously why he jerkily slammed his entire hand on the panel, hitting at least half the buttons. To his surprise, Loki and Thor were now floating in the tube, drifting steadily in the middle, and now Loki was the one on top (not that Phil was paying attention to their positions prior). A small frown of confusion appeared and disappeared from Loki's face in an instant as he pushed himself up on Thor's chest and shifting slightly to wrap his legs around Thor hips. He resembled a mermaid in water with his hair flowing around him like a halo. The loss of gravity apparently had no effect on their sex as Loki rode him in earnest. 

_Perfect. An anti-gravity sex chamber. That's always a good investment for SHIELD money._

He debated whether or not to tell Fury, completely undecided if he wanted to be around Fury ever again if he knew about this, because how would Fury react?

He didn't tell Fury.

**5\. Tony**

Tony liked building things and he liked being better than everyone. Let's not try to be subtle here. He also liked having the upper hand, and he was a big fan of proving people wrong. Most importantly, these people (assassins and soldiers and beasts and _gods_ for crying out loud) were living in _**his**_ Tower. 

That's a lie, the most important point is that Tony is a little shit who likes dirty secrets.

He perfected his cameras and placed them everywhere this morning. The first secret he caught was Natasha pouring vodka in her coffee when Fury's back was turned and _oh, so **that's** where she puts the flask... Hmmm._

The second little secret amused him even more, when he saw Steve pull out his pocket compass. Peggy Carter smiled back at him with her gorgeous pinned-up hair and badges on her shoulder. He flipped the device over for the watch side of the compass and lo and behold, there was a picture of _Pepper_. Smiling Pepper, with her hair perfectly straight across her forehead and all baby blue eyes.

Tony still liked his third secret of the day the best.

_" _Hnnng_ ,- harder, Thor, harder, yes - _oooh_ \- yes, yes, don't stop, don't - _ah!_ \- stop."_

And Hell could just freeze the fuck over if Tony found Loki's commands hot. 

_"Is that all you've - _nnng_ \- got, Thor? Look at me. - _ahh_ -Use me. Try to -_ah, fuck- just try to break me. _HARDER, DAMMIT._ "

Tony gulped a bit. Okay, so maybe they were just a _little_ hot.

"Open your eyes, - _uuuuuung_ -brother."

Okay, commands were hot from both the gods. And the fact that Thor _actually still called Loki brother during sex_? Totally hot. And Loki's eyes, only opening half way so his way too green eyes were peeking out from those way too long eyelashes? Fuck.

"Shall we go faster, brother?" Thor grinned.

"Oh yessssssssssssssss," Loki hissed, the word like a predatory snake, slithering around and constricting his prey - a lot like how those _way too long legs_ were doing.

Hell could also kiss his ass if he wasn't going to do something about this.

"JARVIS?"

"Yes, sir?"

"Save all of this for me, would ya? Secret folder, highest security, maybe hide it in a folder in a folder in a folder somewhere."

"What shall I name this file, sir?"

Tony thought for a moment. "Hell Fucking Froze Over."

"Gladly, sir."

 

**+1 time they didn't get caught until _afterwards_**

"I feel poorly for Steve, brother. He seemed most embarrassed in the park."

"Of course the dear virgin would be mortified, Thor. Come, let us _really_ give them a show."

The glint in Loki's startling eyes was evil enough that Thor almost doubted that he had given up his villainy. 

Before he could ask Loki what that was supposed to mean, he was already being dragged downstairs to the kitchen and tossed onto the large round table with SHIELD's insignia on it. Loki climbed on top, crawling on all fours like a jaguar who's spotted dinner.

"Is this truly a good idea, brother?"

"No worse than all the other places, I'd say. Besides, nobody's here right now, they're all off fighting those pathetic doom bots or some such. Phil didn't even call us in, so tell me, Thor, what am I to do with all this extra energy?" Seeing the hesitation in those sapphire eyes made Loki roll his own green eyes, but he switched tactics. He batted his eyelashes and softened his voice, dipping his head down beside Thor's ear. "Please? I... I need you, Thor. I need this, won't you give this to me... _brother?_ "

As Loki rolled his r's, Thor's breath hitched, and he grabbed Loki to collide their mouths together in hungry kisses as they rolled around the large table, fighting and struggling for dominance, tearing off clothing as they went. As they broke the kiss, both chests heaving for breath, Loki smiled down at the naked thunder god pinned beneath him. 

When Thor only looked up with an equally wide smile, Loki pushed himself in with haste, his lust already driving him wild. They rutted harshly like animals, their cries never louder than now as they screamed themselves hoarse, their words of pleasure echoing off the walls and travelling for miles. It took them hours to finish in a boneless heap, dripping with sweat and sex, they slowly gathered their tattered clothing and took their business to the shower (where they fucked against the bathroom wall so hard it needed to be re-tiled).

When the Avengers returned, they were all tired but otherwise in perfect condition. Still, two and half hours of chasing down doom bots that weren't even equipped with anything packing a punch was still exhausting. The first place they made for was the kitchen.

"FOOD, I NEED NOW, SO FOOD."

"Sentences, Clint. Learn to construct them," Natasha quipped, patting Clint on the head as he sat down, shovelling cereal into his mouth already. The others made their own meals before settling down with Clint and stuffing their faces.

"Sir?" 

Everyone looked confused as JARVIS hardly spoke out before being spoken too.

"Uhhhhh, yeah JARV?"

"I believe there is information you wish to know about, sir."

"Ummmmm, alright?"

Nobody knew what to expect, but JARVIS started to play a video from the very same camera Tony had installed to catch Steve's little compass trick. The table was bare for a few seconds before Loki visibly threw his brother onto the table.

"Shit, did Loki go batshit evil again?" Clint immediately worried.

When Loki clambered on top, Bruce uttered a "shit", thinking Loki stabbed Thor through the heart or something, already backing away from the table.

The video played out before Tony, noting how long the video was, asked JARVIS to fastforward ten minutes - right to the point where Loki aligned himself to Thor's entrance and pushed in. All at one, people flew back from the table as if it carried the plague, and choruses of swear words littered the room.

Tony was the only who remained seated at the table, though he had stopped resting his arms against it. "JARVIS, is the whole clip like that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Two and a half hours?"

"Yes, sir."

"Tony, do you not find that _weird_?!" Poor Steve was more red than the pepperoni on his pizza.

"Kind of. I always pegged Loki as a bottoming type." 

Steve spluttered out not-words before leaving the room.

"He is, actually," Natasha remarked, who was rubbing Clint's back as the archer refused to leave his post hovering above the garbage can as he pretended to retch.

When everyone had left Tony to deal with the _table_ , he promptly asked JARVIS to add it to his beloved Hell Fucking Froze Over file.


End file.
